


Chicken Nuggets Need Warning Labels

by StarkNakedPatriot (Professor_Fluffy)



Category: The Avengers (2012)
Genre: Food Fight, Gen, Team Dynamics
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-06-25
Updated: 2013-06-25
Packaged: 2017-12-16 04:43:11
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 635
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/857926
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Professor_Fluffy/pseuds/StarkNakedPatriot
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Five things Steve doesn't like/expect about the future and one thing that makes it all worthwhile.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Steve hates Chicken Nuggets

**Author's Note:**

  * For [lapillus](https://archiveofourown.org/users/lapillus/gifts).



> This is the first of two prompts for my second Ao3 Winner - Thank You So Much for Bidding lapillus  
> This is a series of 6 short drabbles in 5 + 1 format. 
> 
> Prompt: Five things Steve doesn't like/expect about the future and one thing that makes it all worthwhile.

1.) Steve hates Chicken Nuggets.

So Tony’s Shawarma became a thing. And now, every time the Avengers defeat some new bad guy, and manage to stay out of the medical bay, they go out to eat somewhere afterwards. This week it’s Clint’s turn to choose. He wants McDonalds. Of course he does. 

Clint and Tony order six Happy Meals each. Steve buries his face in his hands. 

They hold a competition to see who can assemble a full set of Avengers action figures -- this includes fry tossing, ketchup packet fights, Natasha putting Tony in a headlock, and culminates when tiny plastic Hulk bounces off of Bruce’s forehead. The team has to evacuate the McDonalds so Tony can take Bruce outside for some meditation inside the ball pit.  
Everything is fine until Clint beams Bruce in the head with a chicken nugget. 

Darcy Lewis calls Pepper from New Mexico to ask why there are Youtube videos of the Hulk destroying a McDonalds ball pit. Pepper calls Steve. Tony laughs uproariously.

Steve pops two alka seltzer, even though his ulcer is purely psychosomatic, and decides right there that he is never going to eat another chicken nugget as long as he lives. 

Tony pays for the damages.   
  
The next morning Fox News headlines read: _Eccentric Billionaire Tony Stark threatens to sue McDonalds for not adding warning labels to their Chicken Nuggets. Should fast food restaurants be required to add a projectile weapon label to their food? What's next frozen food warning labels urging us to keep our peas away from Captain America? More at 12:00._

Tony records the whole thing and leaves it sitting with a half melted bag of frozen peas in front of Steve's door later on that night.


	2. Oysters

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> 2.) Steve hates Oysters

2.) Steve hates Oysters

Steve is going to kill Tony. It’s a half an hour into his ‘not-a-date’ and he wants to sink into the floor. 

_“They’re an aphrodisiac, Steve.” Tony slapped him on the back._

_“I don’t know what that means.”_

_“It’s French. The ladies love that. Just feed her a line. Tell her they’re an aphrodisiac. She’ll eat it right up. Good luck!” He pinched Steve’s cheeks and Steve jerked his head away._

_“You said this wasn’t an official date.”_

_“It’s not,” he grinned. “You kids have fun.”_

_Steve went to meet his not-a-date for dinner._

_He decided it was best for everyone involved if he ignored Pepper telling Tony he had better not have set Steve up with an escort, and Tony replying not officially._

_He was pretty sure there were air quotes involved._

_He left before either of them could say anything else._

Amanda was very pretty, even if her dress was closer to a slip than an actual dress, and she claimed to be a teacher. Steve ordered a large plate of Oysters and mentioned what Tony had told him to, feeling like a heel the entire time. She spent the rest of the meal trying to stick her foot in Steve’s lap under the table. 

The oysters were disgusting-- bland, chewy, and filled with sand. There was no accounting for taste. Apparently when she’d mentioned teaching, she’d meant she was good at ‘schooling naughty boys’, which explained why she was in Tony’s little black book.

When they left, Amanda asked if he wanted to come up to her room, _free of charge.’_ Steve decided that that was outside of enough. He politely informed her he wasn’t interested. She patted his butt and smiled. “That’s ok honey, I’ll just let Tony know you play for the other team. It happens sometimes.” 

What does that even mean?” Steve sputtered, but she was gone. 

When Clint found out, he and Tony stocked Steve’s kitchen cabinets with enough clam chowder to feed a small army. Steve donated them to the local soup kitchen.


End file.
